I left Iqaluit on a Friday. Spent Saturday shopping for work. Flew to Toronto on Sunday and then prepared to leave for India on the Monday.

Here's the first entry from my India Diary.

Because I am not afraid

Why are you?

These statements are on the dog tags that I had made before I moved to NU. When someone asked me why I was moving North I showed them the tags. I think they got me thru today. I slept like I normally do. Which isn't saying much cause I've never been a good sleeper. I had my day planned out - the anticipation to lift off - and then the plan crumbled. Halfway thru my 'Canadian breakfast' I felt ill. Nauseous, feverish, bloated -- generally not well. Back in my room I struggled to pull myself together and get out the door. The stops I had scheduled for the morning were torture. How could I be sick? I can't be sick now. To be like this on the plane for 28 hours --oh please no. I popped a zantac. Nothing. 2 rolaids. Nothing. Pepto bismal. Nothing. It was after the rolaids and just before the pepto that I saw a store selling dog tags and remembered the words I had engraved. It dawned on me that the cause of my illness was nerves. As anyone who knows me can attest to--I am a good traveller. I can pack and fly with the best of them. So why was I nervous about this trip? A book. A stupid book I had been reading and comments that I have gathered from well-wishers over the past six months, comments that were twisting my stomach into knots. "What if I'm not moved by my trip to India? What if I come back the same person - but with a tan? What if the extreme poverty the compassion of my habitat team and the suppossed spirituality that is India has no effect on my spirit?" And that was it. I identified the issue and started my mantra "Because I am not afraid...I wasn't afraid of going, I was afraid of coming back and I hadn't even boarded the plane.

It's 3:30pm. I've had a bran muffin and a chai latte from Star Bucks. My tummy is greatly improved and I've managed to talk myself out of my worries. Ok everybody take a deep breath and RELAX. I wasn't going to back out or hide under the bed--I'm just sharing my raw emotions with you. I'm not ready for unit 9 yet--or at least no more than I ever have been. I just need to stop reading this book. I need to stop letting the book take over my thoughts. I need sleep.

The time is getting close. I won't feel like I am actually going until I am in the air. Then it will be official. Chicken is here with me, my faithful travel companion -- and taking no chances he is in my carry on. You'd wonder if I'm not 7.

***
First leg is over. I'm in Frankfurt. At MacDonalds. Yes, I am embarassed to write that. But it is 7:43am and its smoke free and quiet so I can relax. I am watching dawn break over the runways. My stomach is still queasy, but that could be lack of sleep, lack of food or the anti-malaria pills. I am soon off in search of somewhere to sleep for a few hours. This time tomorrow I will be sleeping in a cheap tourist hotel in New Delhi.

My plan was to zip into Frankfurt proper and look around...change of plan. While it is do able it will need to wait for the retun trip when I have less carry on baggage and a stronger stomach...I don't mind burning the midnight oil at the end of the trip - but I need to save my energy for my elephant ride!

Ok, I finished the book. It wasn't so hot. I liked the Italy section, but then it went downhill--too much about feelings and spirituality. UGH. You know the movie "The Wedding Date" he says to "Grace" 'Women have exactly the kind of love life they want.' Or maybe it juust says life. Either way that may be true. I just can't explain how at the moment.

***

After a lengthy delay at the airport in Frankfurt due to a change of aircraft and then a fuel leak in the second plane --the one I am currently sitting in--we are airborn and should be arriving in Delhi in about 6 more hours. The plane is packed and the seats are even closer together than on the last one. I gave up my window seat and in exchange will be able to stretch my legs more. I just hope the tour guide will still meet me at the airport at around 3am. My stomach is still giving me grief but it is much better than yesterday.

***

And that is the end of this entry. I didn't alter it or change it at all from what I had written. Over the next few days I'll continue to post what I had written during my trip. I will continue to write it exactly as written...so if it doesn't always make sense...well...you know.